"One day soon we'll all be gone
and the Earth will smile as she carries on
just a distant memory
of that disgusting
disease called humanity"
- from my dear friend Jon Love's 'Fuckwit song'
Hello! Yes, yes I felt the earthquake, it woke me up, at first i thought it was the washing machine which usually rattles the place like crazy when it spins but it wouldn't have turned itself on at 4:30am...or shaken quite so hard and slow. Epic sensations. I spent two weeks alone at Pete's beautiful arena for some much need returning to the centre and my own little Burning Man celebration. Much realising and thinking and writing and smiling and journeying took place without even going anywhere. Plus my first ever earthquake! Here are a few words penned on the day after the earthquake, the night of the afternoon of my own Burning Man and the relentless gale force nor-west winds........
The force of Mother Nature
The trailer home wobbles and creeks
Alive and connected to the breeze
Ha! Breeze implies not very windy
It is definitely Very windy
Windy enough to be able to feel a 30 metre tall tree, move
To hold a tree THAT enormous and solid and actually feel it move!
Can you imagine?!!!!
As amazing and awe inspiring and exciting as it all is, it is definitely a challenge to exist amongst it, and to enjoy it. There's fears to overcome, necessary fear - it's important to asses the danger potential, and also to examine my level of preparation for weather extremes. I'd say it's better than your average Westerner but it still needs work!
Imagine another earthquake two, three times more powerful. Then what?!
Like Bob said: "Imagine what 2012 will be like"... okay so I'm imagining shooting stars across the sky, hurtling spiralling winds, vivid coloured lights, sounds, like humming, beautiful harmonious humming. Earth shaking, chaos all around, incredible sights yet I am still calm, at peace, content, delighted, dazzled, joyous to be amongst such spectacular happenings. SO MUCH PRESENCE. So many PRESENTS. in the PRESENT. Feeling... PRESENT. A word with many meanings to be presented!
Dictionary says:...much...about present. Interesting point is the latin words it comes from:
PRAESENS, PRAEESSEE to be in front of
or the verb:
PRAESENTARE to exhibit
So... relative stillness has returned with the wind. I'm calming down, it's taking time. So much energy, my adrenaline rushing since about 3pm. It's now 2am. So many thoughts i couldn't possibly put words to. I am so glad to be having this experience right now. Just lay on the picnic table outside staring at the stars, a few shooting ones.
So much distance.
So much to comprehend and consider.
It's daunting and exciting.
On the wobbly line between fear and excitement is where I've spent a lot of this time.
I love hovering in that wobbly zone.
Every time i go there it pushes forward a bit further. New extremes of experiences find me when I'm not forcing myself into them through choice. It's necessary
I love Pete. So much and in so many ways for so many reasons. His presence reminds me of the wonder of it all, his visions and what he's already made happen are inspirational. His care and understanding for me are constantly surprisingly enormous, unrelenting compassion and interest in me and us and... the warmth of the love and cuddles, the variety and intensity and curiosity of our sexual relationship still blows me away. The honesty, the open-ness, the compromise (dictionary:compromise:something midway between different things - YES!). It's all so beautiful. And always pushing forward. I can barely believe how magical this is. Kat... in A Relationship!?! And it's working... and she's happy. It's working on so many levels, it's so natural yet still somehow alien because of its newness... unusual, unfamiliar... on that wobbly line between fear and excitement... that place i love to be!
And what of the future?
What of motivation and meaning and validity?
Projects to mission on together: yes - Pete's visions are like springboards for my wishes. Or maybe my wishes...my...things i am striving to be a part of...are a springboard for Pete's visions. Either way, what I mean is that there is so much possibility to do things, with him, that align with the kinds of things i want to be doing with myself... spreading information, raising awareness, increasing practical skills, building, growing food, implementing self-supporting systems that work with the natural cycles, helping others to achieve this... and still there is space to make art and explore my individual and our collective creativity, to help set-up for gatherings of beautiful people celebrating all such things and increasing levels of love, joy and consciousness...I, we, can do all of this.
I think we are prizing each other's hearts open wider and wider. There need be no end to the opening... love is an infinite world, possibilities as far as your imagination can stretch - therefore, for us that must be infinite. Imagination is a blank canvas - or is it what you put on the canvas... or both... or the space between the two... or the tools you use... I love what Pete's written and drawn that's hanging on the wall:
"You are taking your consciousness
Dipping it into pure awareness
and painting every moment
with those brush strokes of creation"
What more can I say right now except to remind my future self that when i stopped, alone, going inward, that these were the thoughts - and more importantly, feelings - that I experienced.